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Monday, May 16, 2011

Fear not!

So, here's a big revelation: I'm sick of being fearful! Honestly, most people who know me would say I am generally not a fearful person. I don't even have fear at times when I probably should (I have been scuba diving with sharks, don't blink an eye on turbulent plane rides, and I don't fear burglars or creepy men. I guess I just feel I could totally take 'em down.) But, I do have some fears that run deep.

I deeply fear heights. I decided once, while in Mexico, that I would face that ridiculous fear and go parasailing. (Mostly because everyone in my party was doing it, and I didn't want to look like a big sissy!) So, the sketchy Mexican man who "no speaka no english", but knew exactly how to count my 50 American bucks in english, hooked me up to the harness. As I was lifted off of the sand and began to rise over the ocean, I started to panic. My throat got dry, and I couldn't scream. Trust me, I tried. I held on to those ropes so tight that my hands were blistered and my entire upper body felt like the first (and LAST) time I tried to conquer P90X. And, if you've been parasailing, you know that holding onto the harness ropes does absolutely no good. Holding on for dear life won't keep you from plummeting to your death and being eaten by sharks. But, I don't have to explain that it wasn't exactly a logical moment for me.

Did the whole experience help me to conquer my fear? Uh, nope. Now, I just break out in hives when I remember the whole thing.

I have other fears too. I fear something happening to me, and my children growing up without a mom. This is almost definitely because this was my childhood experience. It left such a painful scar, that I can't even count the number of times I have prayed for this to never ever happen to my children.

I also fear losing mobility...having my muscles deteriorate, and being unable to control my body. This fear is founded in my doctor's reports of what could be in my future. This has kept me from doing certain things like, exploring the possibility of botox to ward off the deep crevices creeping up around my eyes, and becoming a totally hot and way too muscular body builder...or just light weight training...

BUT, I am now on a mission to eradicate fear in my life, specifically regarding my physical condition. I can't find one scripture that says, "live in fear, and let it keepest thou from accomplishing things in life." In fact, the Bible's message is contrary to that.

SO, I am trying new things. New workouts have stretched and strengthened muscles that were once weak and stiff due to Muscular Dystrophy. I don't plan to completely throw caution to the wind, but I do plan to start a serious weight training program and get totally ripped...or, just a bit more toned... I know that what happens within my body and my life is not completely within my control, but I know that the way in which I choose to live IS. And, no matter what happens in my life that is outside of my control, I know that the bible says in Proverbs that my steps are established by God.

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